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魏谦离开的魏之远不知道自己是怎么过来的,那段日子非要用一个词来说,就是&ldo;暗无天日&rdo;。最开始,他是愤怒。对三胖,对那个不知名的陌生女孩,甚至是不明真相的小宝。魏之远觉得自己被整个世界孤立了,没有人在意他挖空心思的努力。他从三胖的表情上看到无奈和迫于感情的宽容。可他凭什么需要被别人宽容?他做错任何事了吗?他就像一个身披风雪赶路的人,一路伸手不见五指,只有那一根灯塔用微弱而独一无二的光引着他。现在,他们连这一点仅有的东西也要夺取。愤怒是一种不长久的情绪,就像一把沙子,要么很快就会被风吹得烟消云散,要么沉淀成深深的、石头一样的怨恨。再之后,魏之远的情绪就滑向了后者。怨恨像是一颗在他心里埋了二十年的种子,埋得那么深,那么的如鲠在喉,稍加风雨就破土而出,长成连着血肉的参天大树。疯狂的憎恨弥漫在他心里每一个角落‐‐就像尸体,尽管再掩饰,也遮挡不住腐朽的气味‐‐即使魏之远已经在极力不表现了,却连一贯大大咧咧的小宝都察觉到了他的不对头,每每跟他说话的时候声气都要低八度。他的怨恨针对所有人,因此分摊到每个人头上,也就显得不那么浓烈了,唯有魏谦。魏之远自己也不知道有多少年了,他甚至自己都说不清楚,对大哥的感情浓郁黏稠到了什么样的地步,乃至于现下几乎有些爱憎不分起来。爱之深,就恨不能食其骨、啖其肉、饮其血。魏之远的精神状态处于某种极度麻木、也极度敏感的危险的状态里,酝酿着某种一触即发的风暴。就在这时,魏谦回来了。魏谦从飞机上下来的时候人就是迷迷糊糊的,在了机场打发马春明给他买了一大杯浓茶,灌进去了,勉强提了提神,又赶到总部开会汇报近期工作要点。等他筋疲力尽地回到家的时候,已经是晚上八点多了。南方天热,他里面穿着单薄的衬衫,到了这边才匆匆地裹上大衣,但北方的小寒风依然不停地往他的衣服里灌,魏谦裹着一身的寒气进屋,裸露在外面的皮肤冻得发白。魏之远听见门响的那一刻,心脏就开始剧烈地跳动了起来。他梦游一样地走了出来,感觉站在门口的大哥就像是活生生地撞在了他眼睛里,生疼。&ldo;你在家呢?冻死我了,&rdo;魏谦扫了他一眼,随后头也不抬地问,&ldo;有吃的吗?&rdo;魏之远说不出话来,好一会,他才行尸走肉似的应了一声,走进了厨房,拿了两个鸡蛋,开始切蔬菜丁,打算把剩下的一碗米饭炒了。魏谦在外面说:&ldo;小远,你甭弄那么麻烦,有剩饭给我拿过来随便吃两口得了。&rdo;魏之远充耳不闻。他好像非要做点什么事,才能让自己维持表面上的平静。魏谦以为他没听见,被屋里的热气一蒸,全身的懒筋顿时开始往一块纠结,他没骨头似的往沙发上一瘫,行李箱丢在一边,就打开了电视。等魏之远端着一碗炒饭出来的时候,魏谦已经靠在沙发上睡着了。魏之远的呼吸随着脚步一起停住了。手心的大碗开始发烫,然而他的双手好像麻木了,丝毫也感觉不到。魏谦的身体随着沙发柔软的坐垫缩到了一个小角落里,架起来的二郎腿还没来得及放下,一手虚虚地按在遥控器上,另一只手委屈地横在胸前,头一侧靠在沙发背上,下巴几乎全缩进了衣领里,他面无血色,干裂的嘴唇上爆出细碎的干皮和裂口,胸口的起伏都显得那么不明显。……像是死了。魏之远听见自己的心脏重重地跳了一下。他广而不挑的阅读中,曾经看过很多提到把活人做成标本的故事,以前只当是猎奇,从没往心里去过,而这一瞬,类似的念头像是一道闪电,&ldo;哗啦&rdo;一下打碎了他破破烂烂的精神世界。如果让那个人……再也不能说话,再也不能睁眼,再也看不到别人……魏之远觉得自己骨子里一定就有某种属于犯罪者的基因,他开始不受控制地往前走去,缓缓地靠近毫无知觉的魏谦,目光像是鬼迷心窍了一样死死地盯在他身上。耳背的宋老太已经睡了,而小宝还没下晚自习。近一点……再近一点。近到能听到魏谦细而平稳的呼吸声,看见他一丝不动的眼睫。就在这时,魏之远心里涌起毫无征兆的悲伤,像是突然决堤的河,汹涌无情地冲散了他拥塞在五脏六腑中的冰冷的杀意,他听见潮汐般轰然落下横冲直撞的声音,良久,又从中艰难地辨别出了自己压到了水底的心音,那是简而又简的一句话……
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