第54章 母老虎爱上了猪八戒(第1页)
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话说,猪八戒失踪了。不要觉得奇怪,猪八戒的确是被塞进麻袋里,差点被劫财劫色了。
猪八戒担心被孙悟空拉去接着犁地,他尿尿特意跑到很远的地方去尿。尿到一半突然听到老虎的叫声。完蛋了,俺老猪这三脚猫功夫,哪里会是老虎的对手啊。
他紧张地东张西望,奇怪了,听这声音,老虎离得很近,可是为什么没有看到呢?莫非老虎听闻俺老猪的威名,吓尿了,不敢现身,担心被打得生活不能自理。猪八戒得意洋洋的。
人怕出名猪怕壮,猪八戒还是高兴得太早了。
老虎其实就隐藏在草丛中,正在午睡,结果被猪八戒尿了一脸尿,成了落汤鸡。俗话说得好,老虎的屁股摸不得,但是猪八戒这比摸老虎的屁股,事更大。
直接请老虎喝猪八戒牌女儿红。老虎三碗猪尿下肚,开始耍起了酒疯。
抱住猪八戒一顿亲,猪八戒哪有老虎力气大啊。拼命地挣扎,俺老猪虽然已经不是处男了,但是也不可以霸王硬上弓啊。谈恋爱必须要慢慢来,彩礼钱,领证,办酒席,份子钱,最后才是洞房花烛夜,一样都不能少。
猪八戒一巴掌盖过去,气呼呼地说道“臭流氓你干嘛啊?多久没刷牙了,一股尿骚味。随便亲一下就可以了,你还玩舌吻。”
猪八戒快哭了,是不是想男人想疯了,没有前戏的接吻,那简直就是耍流氓。俺老猪要不要接招,这得看心情和天时地利人和。
这的确是一个单身大龄剩女,一只从来没有谈过恋爱的母老虎。这附近的公老虎早就名草有主了,好男人早就死光了。还好,苍天有眼,玉皇大帝显灵。今天母老虎终于遇见了真爱。
它们的邂逅是多么浪漫啊。一泡滚烫的尿,直接把母老虎淋成了落汤鸡。它瞬间人间清醒,挑什么挑啊,只要是男人就行,再挑,就变成老姑娘了。
母老虎委屈地哇哇大哭,专家说了,女追男隔层纱。我明明生扑了,对方却想拒绝我,男人果然没一个好东西,还是吃掉算了。
“你别哭嘛,俺老猪最怕女孩子哭了。”猪八戒一时心软,决定不再让母老虎赔偿精神损失费了。舌吻就舌吻吧,又不是没有吻过。
“走,去我家吧,这荒郊野地的,不方便谈恋爱。”母老虎拉着猪八戒往山洞里走。
这这这,第一天认识就往女方家里跑,这展度是不是太快了。这简直就是坐着火箭谈恋爱,除了快还是快。
这边猪八戒沉醉在温柔乡中无法自拔,那边孙悟空焦急地寻找着猪八戒,急得像热锅上的蚂蚁。
“八戒啊,是俺老孙不好。下次坚决不让你去犁地了。挑肥料灌溉田地,也许更适合你。”孙悟空十分自责,说不定,猪八戒让妖怪骗过去生娃了。
猪八戒会跟母老虎领证办酒席吗?份子钱给一毛钱会不会太多了?
预知后事如何,且听下回分解。
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