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气氛,有了微妙的改变。小羲察觉了。晚上,看完夜间新闻打算去惟明房里睡的逢明,被他老爸给赶回自己房里。「小羲还在发烧,你不照顾他,去睡惟明的房做什么?」宋辛祈责难地看了儿子一眼,回房睡去。「还有,你明天请假算了,留下来看着小羲。」逢明啧了声,没办法只好回到房里头。他的床上,小羲正睡着。也许是发烧的原因,那张脸还是一样惨白。他伸手触碰小羲的额,觉得温度还是一样的高,也不知什么时候才会退烧。本来替小羲盖好的薄被子,也因为太热,被小羲推到一旁。逢明叹了口气,爬上床,跨过小羲,要往里头的位置去。或许是动作太大,吵醒了小羲,当他以很暧昧的姿势双腿开开横跨在小羲身上时,小羲睁开了眼睛。小羲看着他。面对面,似乎连灼热的呼吸气息都感受得到。逢明紧张了一下,连忙往旁边挪去。他一把抓起被子盖在自己身上,翻了个身面对墙壁,觉得这比对着小羲好得多,但后来又发觉自己拉走大半被子,小羲没得盖,又翻了身打算替小羲盖被子,却见小羲侧着头,默默地看着他。逢明深吸了一口气。「你今天很不对劲。」小羲用一种提不上力气的声音说着:「上厕所的时候,你干嘛一直盯着我不放?」逢明瞪大了眼睛。「我们又没什么不同,生理构造都一样,同性恋也是人。」小羲慢慢地说着:「只不过你喜欢男人,我喜欢女人。」「什么我喜欢男人!你在胡说些什么。」逢明大叫。小羲呆了呆,从有些恍惚的状态中回过神来。「啊,我说错了。你喜欢女人,我喜欢男人。」「拜托你说话清楚一点。」逢明有些心虚。「你态度这么奇怪,会让我误会的。我可是已经很拚命地在压抑自己对你的感觉,你现在这个样子,我很困扰。」小羲说。逢明又深吸了一口气,他往后挪了挪,把屁股贴在墙上。「你自己说过对我没那个意思的,我比你还困扰好不好。」「可是你对我这么温柔,我怎么可能不会胡思乱想。」从每个相处的细节上,小羲都可以感受到逢明的变化,尤其是在他受伤的这段期间,逢明的改变尤其明显。明明对他漠不关心的一个人,突然地好了起来,任谁都会把持不住的吧!「把你的脑袋拿去水龙头下面洗一洗,谁对你温柔了!」逢明否认。「我说我不喜欢你,是骗你的。你在我心里头的地位,比谁都重。我是为了你才来这里,如果不是因为你,我不可能踏进这个家一步。」胸口某个积极遮掩的地方,像溃了堤似地,让本来埋藏着不打算说出口的话,一股脑儿地全泄了出来。小羲有些懊恼地闭上眼。「我知道我不能喜欢你,因为你只喜欢女人。」他接着再说。「我知道我不能喜欢你,因为你是我弟弟。」又说。「我知道我不能喜欢你,因为你不可能喜欢我。」「我知道我不能喜欢你,因为我们永远不可能。」性别之上又加了血缘阻隔,小羲明白爱情离他们太遥远。他从来就没有奢望过逢明能多靠近他一些,这个触摸不到的人,如果能永远尘封在记忆深处就好了。但偏偏,他们现在却靠得如此近,近得几乎能听见彼此胸膛里,激烈搏动的心跳声。「你脑袋烧胡涂了。」逢明说。压低了的声音有些沙哑。过了好一阵,小羲都没再讲话,安静到逢明以为他睡了。逢明拉起被子替小羲盖上,但突然地,像是被电击到一般,他伸出去的手,让小羲所握紧。任他怎么缩,也缩不回来。「我……喜欢你……小羲说着,话语里有太多压抑着的情感。「就这样吧……就这样吧……我们之间,就这样维持下去吧,不去奢求什么,只要快乐悲伤的时候,都能在彼此身旁,别离得太远,便很足够了。」手心贴着手心,温度炽热得,无法化开。隔天,逢明还是如往常时间起床,他身边的小羲睡得熟,大概是因为吃了药的关系吧,他爬下床的动作也没能吵醒小羲。弄好早餐让老爸吃,老爸临上班前还用力地叮咛了他一下,叫他留在家里照顾小羲。本来如果硬要拒绝,他就算去上班,也没人奈何得了他,但他却心想反正报社也没啥重要的事情要忙,于是请了假。
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