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我不知道他为什么莫名其妙来这么一句。但是我也正好有话和他说。我跟他说,郑野狐,我可能有一个交易要和你做。你等我三天,三天之后我主动联系你。真滑稽,明明不是什么好事,但是选择却忽然多了起来。我和蒙肃说,我有点事,要出门两天,蒙肃没有追问。我从家里出来的时候,蒙肃的书快看完了,他准备让家人从美国给他寄一点过来。我想,也许不用寄了。-林佑栖替我拿的穿刺结果。他不是那种喜怒形于色的人,我看不出结果。我也看不懂化验单,只能等着他解释。他在我床边坐了一会儿,然后问我说:&ldo;你什么时候去见李祝融?&rdo;-我给郑野狐打了电话。&ldo;我是许煦,你现在在哪?&rdo;&ldo;北京。&rdo;&ldo;李祝融在哪?&rdo;&ldo;洛杉矶。&rdo;&ldo;我给你传个东西。&rdo;我把电话挂了,半分钟之后郑野狐打过来:&ldo;你什么意思?&rdo;&ldo;我病了,肺癌。&rdo;&ldo;你发给我干什么?这又不是治不好,你不还活得好好的吗?&rdo;&ldo;别说这种无聊的话了,你知道我想说什么。&rdo;&ldo;我还真不知道。&rdo;&ldo;把我弄走,国外也好,别的城市也好,趁李祝融还不知道我的事。&rdo;&ldo;你怎么指望上我了,你不是和那个美国男人打得火热吗?&rdo;&ldo;我没指望你。&rdo;我无聊地拿刀子划苹果:&ldo;你只要不拦着我就好,他现在全力对付蒙肃,监视我的人应该是你。只要有你帮忙,我要消失很容易。&rdo;郑野狐大笑:&ldo;你觉得我会帮你?&rdo;&ldo;你会帮李祝融。&rdo;我说:&ldo;虽然你很冷血,但是他是你朋友。&rdo;-和郑野狐这种聪明人说话实在是一件很轻松的事。唯一美中不足的是他性格太恶劣,动不动就大笑,好像我快死了对他来说是一件很开心的事。&ldo;我要计划一下。&rdo;他这样和我说:&ldo;你太聪明了,小哲落到你手里真可怜。&rdo;&ldo;你怎么不说我也很可怜。&rdo;我和李祝融,但凡谁蠢一点,肯吃一点亏,都不会走到今天这一步。表姑家的女孩子,刚大学毕业,正在谈恋爱、是我妈一直在追踪的八卦。那女孩子很蠢,现任男友对她不好,脾气坏,不够体贴关心,但是她喜欢。磕磕绊绊到毕业。我想,要是她忽然死了,她应该不会后悔。因为在过去的日子里,她一直在他身边。她不计较两个人谁比较吃亏,谁地位低一点。她不像我一样计较,别人都说我温和,脾气好,其实我记性太好。一件事可以记十年,算来算去,也不知道赢了还是输了。有时候想想,要是以前不吵来吵去,逃来逃去,每天一起吃个饭,晚上一起睡个觉,日子不也是这么过?不知道为什么,忽然想起那天,他和我一起回爸妈家里,提着东西站在门口,他忽然凑过来亲我。那时候,我们大概都是想和身边的这个人过一辈子的吧。可惜,没有机会了。-打电话给蒙肃,让他到医院来一趟。打电话给我爸。我妈虽然平时好强,但归根结底是个女人,刀子嘴,豆腐心,这事要是让她知道,她会哭晕过去。所以先和我爸说,就算被看出来了,他还可以帮我瞒上一瞒。我爸在书房接的电话。我跟他说:&ldo;爸,我可能要出国一趟,年底去,我想先回家住着……&rdo;不能和他说马上出国,太突兀,会被看出来。要先说年底去,然后更改计划,循序渐进。我爸话少,每次接电话都是&ldo;唔&rdo;&ldo;嗯&rdo;几句就了事,这次也不知道是怎么了,还和我说:&ldo;你别往外面跑,你赚的钱够用……&rdo;我爸最爱惜名誉,这么些年,心结一直没下来。其实想想,让他蒙羞的不是李祝融,是我。我也不知道自己是不是纯粹的同性恋,我没有喜欢过别人。如果我是同性恋,不是李祝融,大概也会是别人。同性恋要走的路都很艰难,如果没有李祝融,我也可能把生活弄得一团糟……但我不能这么想。
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