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冬和的嗓音里开始哽咽:&ldo;可是,我熬出头了。我坐在你的车里,出了孤儿院大门的刹那,我的心真的是停了两三秒钟的时间,我好害怕,一切都是场梦,梦见自己出了地狱,可睁开眼睛,还躺在那个狭小充满淫糜气味的房间。你带我回到老宅,那美好的如同天堂一样的家。你给我可口的食物,暖和的床铺,你夜夜拥我入眠,却不伤我,不碰我。我痴迷上你的味道,我趴在你的胸前,听你的心跳,你的胳膊环绕我骨瘦入柴的身体,那是前所未有的幸福和满足。十六岁的时候,我们之间的第一次,你那么小心地进入,你一直吻我,唤我的名字,你的手指揩去我的眼泪,那么温柔,那么美妙,我才知道,男人和男人之间,可以不是强暴和侮辱,可以合二为一,从身体到灵魂的和谐。我总是受伤,你几乎每次都是中途停下来,不能尽兴。可你从来也不怪我,反而来软语安慰我,啄我的嘴唇,缠绕我的舌头……哥,如果说我爱你爱得太没原则,也是因为你给我的爱和温柔,太多太多,多到即使你辜负我,欺骗我,都不能抵消。&rdo;冬和的眼神仿佛已经飘到遥远的过去,因为美好的回忆,他的脸上荡漾着几乎是神圣的光泽。他闭着眼睛,咀嚼回味着从前的温柔片段,渐渐地,眼泪从浓密的睫毛间涌出来,顺着脸颊,眼角,流得到处都是。千言万语终于化做无言,只有眼泪无声地流个不停。落地钟&ldo;当当&rdo;地想起来,已经快要中午,冬和似乎恢复了神智,用手抹干眼睛,撑着沙发站了起来,&ldo;我饿了,先吃饭吧!&rdo;杨牧的心中所有的秘密全盘托出,反倒不似以往沉重得患得患失。他用微波炉热了粥和包子,两个人对面坐着,各自吃饭。冬和吃饱了,用纸巾擦了嘴,对杨牧说:&ldo;让我一个人,安静呆一会儿吧!&rdo;说完就上楼,关了房门。杨牧呆坐在客厅,前程往事,想个不停。傍晚,天黑得很早,窗外华灯初上的时候,冬和从楼上下来,手里拎了个小号旅行包。站到杨牧阿身前,冷静地说:&ldo;我们,分开吧!&rdo;杨牧站了起来,楞楞的看着冬和,却说不出话。冬和长吸了口气,继续:&ldo;教授本来就建议我提前一个星期住进医院。我考虑了一下,决定住院了。等孩子出生以后,我就搬出去。&rdo;冬和低头抽了抽鼻子,再说:&ldo;我相信你爱我,我也不能逼着自己不爱你。可是我的心结解不开,我不知道如何跟你相处,所以还是,分开吧!&rdo;杨牧早已想到这个结局,以前瞒在心里还好说,现在话都说明白,再要在一起,如何面对冬和无辜的眼睛呢?于是他没有反驳,说:&ldo;你和孩子住在这儿吧!至少有你二哥照应。这里的条件也好些,再说本来就是你的家,我搬出去。&rdo;冬和摇摇头:&ldo;我会带孩子离开这里去个没人认识的地方,重新开始。&rdo;&ldo;那,那,我还能看见你吗?&rdo;&ldo;暂时不要吧!等我哪天想开了,会回来找你。&rdo;冬和终于舒了口气:&ldo;我已经给二哥打电话,他送我去医院。&rdo;&ldo;那你等我一下,&rdo;杨牧转身走进书房,出来的时候手里多了一个信封,&ldo;这是我给孩子满月的红包,你先替孩子收下吧!&rdo;冬和拿在手里,很客气地说:&ldo;代孩子谢谢大伯了。我也有东西要还你。&rdo;冬和摘下左手的白金指环,两个手指头捏着,塞在杨牧衬衣的口袋里。杨牧用手在口袋外面摸了摸,还带着冬和的体温,暖暖的。&ldo;那我送你到门口吧!&rdo;走到门前,杨牧蹲下身子,给冬和穿好鞋,站起来,看着冬和的眼睛:&ldo;一个人生活要学会照顾自己。浴室要装防滑毯,洗澡时候要小心别摔跤,一个人在家或者出门的时候要记得锁门,按时吃饭,生病也要看医生。孩子出生了,不要忘了办收养手续,上户口,不然别人以后你拐卖儿童呢!&rdo;杨牧忽然住了口,痴痴看着冬和:&ldo;你,真的会回来找我吗?&rdo;冬和点点头。杨牧又说:&ldo;别让我等太久,我比你老了这许多年,好歹你也在我老死之前给我留两年时间跟你在你一起。我,等你回来。&rdo;冬和抬起头,眼神和杨牧的撞在一起,却只有那么短短的一个刹那。
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