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可原来,不爱便是不爱,穆襄那日坚定而清醒地推开他,清明没有一丝迷惑的眼神让韩寒清醒了。穆襄心里只有自己未过门的妻子,对他从来只是兄弟之义、朋友之谊,是他一直痴心妄想。忍不住双掌掩面,韩寒独自一人坐在漆黑厢房内,陪伴他的只有落在窗边照不进室内的清冷月光,和窗外的细细虫鸣。事实总是叫人难堪,戳破了这层纸,韩寒不知今后该拿什么脸和穆襄相见。他烦躁而不安。韩寒也想过走,可穆襄却在山庄内加派人手让他无法轻易离开。他猜测比起这些微不足道的儿女私情,穆襄更在意的是他的安危。但便也是这一直以来完全为他着想的心思,让他陷在这样扰人的温柔里,离不了,也走不掉。韩寒还记得当年魔教危害武林,八大派联手郁除此害,赵小春因为是兰罄同门所以受连累坠江,兰罄以为师弟惨死,一怒之下下令血洗八大派。他的父母皆在那场祸事中身亡,唯有他与几名寒山派弟子残存下来。写意山庄这里也是伤亡惨重,但穆襄却处理完事情便去寒山派,守着双亲皆殁的他整整三月。陪他喝酒、陪他练剑,什么都不说,只是静静地待在他身旁。还有一年燕荡山上,他为了救人被火烧伤了手,伤势严重、肉焦见骨,当时唯一有能耐救他的赵小春却因所爱之人命在旦夕,心虑枯竭几度走火入魔。穆襄为了替他求药让疯癫的赵小春打了好几次,终于等到对方清醒,换回了那小疯子手里最好的疗伤圣药。他的丧父丧母之痛,是他陪之度过的;他原本将废的双手,也是他救回来的。穆襄那个人除了情感迟钝了点,喜欢的人不是他外,浑身上下里里外外没有一处不让他深深所爱、深深着迷。又烦又闷,韩寒最后去厨房取了点水酒,他喝了几口摇晃瓶身想着,若醉死过去,会不会比较好过一些。明明平日就不是这么悲春伤秋之人,怎奈沾上个情字,便逃不出、孬掉了。韩寒略垂着头边喝着酒边看着廊外花圃,心里乱七八糟的。拐过长廊之时一个不注意便和迎面而来的人撞上,酒水洒了自己与对方一身。韩寒退了一步,嘴里的道歉来不及说出口,便闻见了对方身上那股混合着酒香与水檀香的惑人味道。韩寒只觉得自己心里一紧,脸上一热,便兴起了一种昏昏然的奇特感觉。穆襄将韩寒扶好。「你喝酒了?」他问。话里听不出是不高兴还是担心。「gan你何事!」韩寒不悦地挥开了穆襄放在他肩上的手。穆襄一愣,显然没想到韩寒会这么对他。韩寒错开穆襄,有些急促地举步往自己的小院那头走。原本就已经烦躁不堪的他突如其来遇上穆襄,现下脑袋变得更加混乱了。穆襄身上传过来的淡淡香气像是在引诱他一般,还有那比平日还要低沉级分的酥磁嗓音就响在他耳边,最该死的是他还不知死活地把手放在他身上。一波又一波的颤栗从四面八方而来,韩寒打了个寒颤,而后很可悲地发现明明两人也没怎样,自己双腿间的那个小兄弟竟就不争气地有了反应。急急甩开穆襄,说什么也不能让对方发现自己底下正菁神奕奕抬头中。冲回小院后,关上房门跳到床上,韩寒盖起棉被便窝囊地开始装睡。不久之后小院里响起了一阵脚步声,那声响在门外徘徊几遭,伴随着一声叹息,最终远离。韩寒睁眼看着被自己所关起的门扉好一会儿,突然感觉鼻头有些酸。「你究竟是想怎样?干脆点将我赶走不就成了!」又没欠我什么,我都如此对你了,你又何苦一心为我着想?韩寒闭上眼,似乎不只鼻头,连眼睛也有些酸了。夜里,韩寒翻来覆去睡不着,身上像着火似地,烧得他迷迷糊糊。「好渴……」他爬起身来倒水,却发现茶壶里头是空的,而自己带回来的那个瓶子里也洒得只剩一些酒。喝了那些仅余的酒水还是不解渴,韩寒难耐地推开木门,往有水的地方寻去。他所住的小院是江南庭园布局,庭院之中凿了一个池塘,池中水清如镜,映着天上银月,整座池子仿佛闪闪发光一般。夏日凉风带来水气,将韩寒往那池子里头招。韩寒目光涣散,本能地寻找能解除身上火焚痛苦的水源,就当他三两步踩入池塘,还越走越深时,突然有人从后头紧紧抱住他,将他往池边带。

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