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后来他又试了两次,每一次,都让他有一种被洗刷的洁净感。明明抱着一个充满诱惑力的年轻男性的身体,他的唇跟自己的唇相碰,他口中带了酒味的甘美难以抵挡,他呼出的温暖气息直接撩拨到脖子上,凑近一点,能直接闻到他身上散发的芬芳,混合年轻的欲望宁馨,这一切都是他以往会直觉引发性冲动的,当然他也勃起了,但跟性欲相违背的,是一种想深深贴近这个人的强烈欲望,就像有谁悄然打开了某个开关,长久以来无法意识到的内在干涸忽然被察觉,他急切地,渴望让这个青年身上的某种东西来填满自己。什么是爱情,是不是爱情,能不能维持爱情,这些徐文耀已经无法考虑了,他觉得此时此刻,自己又回到童年时候,有一天,托儿所又是周末,所有的小朋友都由家长接走,按照惯例他也该由老保姆领回去,但他等了又等,等了又等,一直到天黑,老人家也没出现。一直到他哭累睡了,才被人摇醒,是父亲身边的机要秘书,父亲做事向来严谨古板,一般是严谨自己的孩子搞特殊化的,所以他见不到那位秘书几次,但这次却是秘书来接他回家,他又饿又累,却不忘问嬢嬢哪去了,秘书一脸为难,半天才说,她回老家了。后来他才知道,老保姆那天本来要给他炖西红柿牛肉的,但她突发脑溢血,倒在家门口,石头台阶还磕破了她的额角。这种原以为早已遗忘的情绪,在他等着王铮手术结束的时刻,突然又被回忆起来,没人知道一个幼童在那个孤独的黄昏一个人等待是什么滋味,他自己也刻意去遗忘,但其实身体一直记得,在几十年后,悉数返回到他身上。那是一种极度的孤独和惊恐,对被遗弃,被孤零零一个人留在某个地方的孤独和惊恐。徐文耀握紧拳头,几乎是恶狠狠地瞪着那个手术室大门,他这一刻想到所有最糟糕的结果,想着如果真那样,他不能确定自己会干出什么。也许当场宰了那个所谓的心脏外科权威也说不定。就在此时,手术室大门被推开。徐文耀莫名其妙地后退了一步,李天阳却急切地迎了上去。此时,走廊里响起一阵急促的脚步声,徐文耀转头一看,一个长相不俗的年轻男人跑了过来,他看见李天阳后,松了口气,再看到手术室的动静,却又呆了呆,随后,那个男人走上前,对李天阳嗫嚅地说:&ldo;天阳,我,我回来了,那什么,王铮不会有事吧?他现在怎么样?&rdo;一语点醒梦中人,徐文耀大难临头一样死死盯住那个还带着口罩的外科权威,却见他越众而出,摘下口罩,带着笑容,朗声说:&ldo;手术很成功,放心吧。&rdo;徐文耀吁出一口长气,耳边还响起一堆小医生拍瞿教授马屁的恭维声,什么刀口简直绝妙,令人叹为观止,什么手法多么超群,令人心旷神怡之类,他什么都顾不上了,两腿跟灌了铅一样,一步一挪,走上去,挤开医生护士,悄悄握住了王铮的手。这时候他才有心情打量麻醉未过的王铮,面容惨白,神情安宁。将近十个小时以后,王铮才苏醒。他只是略微醒过来不到半个小时,然后又继续昏睡。又过了八个小时,他才第二次睁开眼睛。氧气罩被拿走了,身体各项指标已经上升,虽然还连着不少导管,但已经能看着徐文耀微笑,声音很弱,说话很慢,可是能表达出一个完整的句子。那位著名的瞿教授过来察看后,以一种传递噩耗的严肃表情宣称病人恢复不错,如果情况再这么继续好转的话,明天他就可以进流食了。徐文耀爽朗地笑着感谢瞿教授的关心,教授听完面无表情,仿佛自身穿着一层防护服,将所有赞誉都远远隔开,但在接触到王铮致谢的眼神时,教授出人意料地屈尊降贵,俯下身用缺乏升降的语调说:&ldo;不要,超支。&rdo;王铮和徐文耀霎时间都有些莫名其妙,瞿教授难得好心补充了一句:&ldo;耗损得厉害,你的心脏。&rdo;他身边善解人意的助手医生忙解释:&ldo;教授的意思,是病患这次发病可能由长期压力无法排解加上不良生活习惯造成,因此建议您出院后务必注意修养,放松精神,不然就算您是年轻人,也未必能恢复回来。&rdo;徐文耀肃然起敬,忙点头说:&ldo;是,谢谢教授,我以后会看着他的。请问按照他的恢复状况,大概多久能出院呢?&rdo;

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