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他已经没了退路。直到那一刻,他才突然涌上来一种真实的恐慌,一种要被熟知的世界驱赶出去的恐慌,一种要面临未知世界的仓惶。李天阳很内疚,哑声说:&ldo;你可以一直住到,找着新的地方为止。而且二十万,够你租个房子的了……&rdo;平心而论,李天阳真不是坏人,他出手慷慨,为人也仗义。当初王铮能豁出去跟他在一起,也是想着万一有点什么事,这个人定不会做缩头乌龟,定能挺身而出,跟自己一块扛。这年头遇着一个不自私的不容易,遇着一个有血性的更难,平常夫妻在一起过日子还有那么多说不出的难处,同志就更不用说。所以他下决心跟李天阳在一块的时候,还觉着自己捡到宝。有时候幸福感涌上来,还止不住地想,就算这一刻死了,也值了。你爱的人也爱你,多么不容易。所以当出柜后被父母从家里赶出来,他还能躲在李天阳怀里哭,浑身上下,充满一种献祭的痛苦和快感。他觉着,为着这段感情,自己是真的,把能给的都给了。但谁知道世事无常,人心莫测。那个他认为有担当的男人,在移情别恋这种事上,也同样很有勇气。勇于承认,不拖泥带水。只是那种本来令他赞赏和备觉心安的勇气,伤害起人来,也同样直达根子里。王铮之前怎么也想不到,竟然也有一天,李天阳的房子,他还是呆不住。当天晚上李天阳收拾了两件衣裳就走,再没有回来。王铮一个人呆在那所装潢华丽却又空荡荡的房间里三天,三天后,他决定了一件事。要有一套自己的房子,用很多很多温馨的小东西填满那套房子里每个角落,要让自己每个转身,都能看到令心底一暖或油然一笑的东西。那种空泛到仿佛灵魂都在漏气的感觉,尝过一次,已是极限。一个人一生当中,只能付出一次那样的感情,只能承受一次,那样的打击。他全心全意去爱过李天阳,那么,被伤害后,也必须动用全部的心智,去挽救自己,以免一蹶不振。分手后头一年,王铮为了对抗心脏部位那种撕裂的痛感,把整个心力都掏空了,把所有能透支的力气,慢慢地折腾着透支干净。以至于,有很长一段时间,他常常忘记该怎么笑,怎么哭,他常常面无表情。第二年稍稍好了点,伤口痊愈不了,那便至少能做到视而不见。到了第三,第四年,该干嘛干嘛,他觉得自己挺好。虽然花的时间长了点,但终于捱了过去。不管你情愿与否,时间到了,再难过的坎,也总会迈过去。现在一切都开始好了,房贷还起来终于不用感到吃力,家里书柜被喜欢的书填满,每个角落,都如当初设想的那样,有很温情的色调和很温情的摆设品。温情和安全,到头来,人要的也就这两样而已。王铮跪下去,开始刷厨房地板,米色和咖啡色相间的瓷砖被他刷得光可鉴人,完事后,他又打开厨房底下柜门,把平时许多没用的餐具拖出来,一一泡在热水里,香槟杯、马天尼杯、红酒杯都被他擦得晶莹剔透,每一种他都买了一对,等着两只都打烂了,再去买一对。快过年了。他决定要用这一期的稿费买一对玉质貔貅放在对着门的地方,还要贴新的门神画,腊月二十八的时候,要去赶花市,照着这个城市的规矩,给家里插一株大大的桃花。只要下定决心非好转不可,那么一切就都能好转。手机响起,他狼狈地脱下橡胶手套,跑过去戴上蓝牙,接通电话。是他堂嫂,那女人利落风趣,这么几年明日暗里,帮了他不少。&ldo;小铮,有好消息和坏消息,先听哪一个?&rdo;堂嫂憋着笑问。王铮也笑了,说:&ldo;坏消息吧。&rdo;&ldo;坏消息就是,今年年夜饭得你掌勺,你哥说了,要做足十二道热菜,八道冷盘,三道甜品,两道炖汤,还要祭祖酬神,年初一上庙里烧香,贡品香烛,都得你来准备。&rdo;王铮心里一跳,竟然有些结巴:&ldo;田,田姐,你什么意思?&rdo;&ldo;傻子,意思就是,今年过年我们俩不回老家了,陪你过。&rdo;堂嫂在电话那端哈哈大笑起来:&ldo;小君君最开心,他现在在画想吃的东西,这臭小子,都学会跟你点菜了。&rdo;

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